WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump offered on Wednesday to end his war with Harvard University if it admits him to its freshman class. “Harvard blew their chance to admit Donald J. Trump in 1964, and now they can fix that,” he posted on Truth Social. “Or else.” Detailing plans for his undergraduate career at Harvard, Trump said, “I will major in art.” But his offer got a cool response from Harvard president Alan Garber, who said that admitting Trump would be “Harvard’s biggest mistake since we admitted the Unabomber.” Democracy Dies in Oligarchness: Subscribe to The Borowitz Report Today.© 2025 Andy Borowitz |